I keep forgetting my mother is dead. After repressing the initial trauma of being with her while she died, I went back to my city and… forgot? I didn’t text my mother often, she often initiated these things. I dreamt the other night that she called and I heard her voice. I woke up confused. The cute cat in a hotdog costume picture I posted makes me sad because I went to send it to my mother and realized that I can’t. It’s a quiet sadness instead of shock and dissociation now.
I am alone, and I need to be OK with that and make sure I can get through the winter.